The Top 5: Best Lines from Onyx’s “Jingle Bells, Shotgun Shells”
by Drew Fontaine
Cleopatra Records’ new Hip-Hop & R&B Christmas Gold compilation brings together an eclectic array of hip-hop and R&B legends (Kurtis Blow, Kool Moe Dee), one and two-hit wonders (J-Kwon, Khia, Chingy) and novelty acts you might’ve forgotten entirely (Afroman), for a holiday music bonanza.
Hands down, one of the most memorable cuts in the collection is “Jingle Bells, Shotgun Shells” from Queens hardcore crew Onyx. On the track, MCs Fredro Starr and Sticky Fingaz offer up enough merry malevolence to earn themselves permanent spots on ol’ St. Nick’s naughty list.
Here are the top five lyrical highlights:
1. “Fuck Christmas/Fuck all holidays!” From the opening line, it’s clear that this will not be a cheery meditation on the seasonal delights of silver bells and hearth-roasted chestnuts.
2. “I’m The Grinch, bitch, I don’t know how to play.” Who hurt you, Sticky?
3. “Merry Christmas! My gun is the mistletoe/Kiss of death when the pistol blow.” While ingesting mistletoe has long been thought to be poisonous, it’s still a better option than crossing these two:
4. “Santa wanna know if I’m naughty or nice? I’m in a trap, blowin’ trees with the 40s on ice.” Who needs hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows? Onyx know how to put their feet up, relax, and bask in the glow of the holiday season.
5. “Guns on the table, mad n—— drinkin Henny/And I wish a muthafucka would come down my chimney!” *Gunshot*
Suffice it to say, Santa should simply Fed-Ex any applicable gifts to Fingaz and Starr. No need for hand delivery here.
Update: There’s even a music video for the track.