QUICKLY: It’s pop quiz time. Which one of the below is an actual title of a Prince song?
2. “Rockhard in a Funky Place”
3. “Wonderful Ass”
4. “Funk We Can”
5. “Horny Toad”
6. “Soft And Wet”
7. “Funk We Can (Part II)”
8. “Electric Intercourse”
10. “Scarlet Pussy”
Ready for the answer? Hey. HEY. I’M DOWN HERE. STOP STARING.
Guys, come on, that was a trick question. They’re all Prince songs. One of my editors gave me 10 CDs of rare and bootleg Prince recordings yesterday. All of these songs are on those tapes, somewhere, in multiple and various versions. Trust me, you don’t know how hard I looked trying to find some version of these online: Prince’s lawyers are very, very good at protecting the Purple Empire. I guess we’ll all just have to bust out our copies of Dirty Mind and play “Gotta Broken Heart Again” on repeat until we almost drown in our purple tears. Don’t worry, it’ll all be okay soon enough.
I’m sorry, we’re gonna have to keep it brief, it’s been crazy around the Funkenden lately. But look at it this way — I just made your Valentine’s Day weekend playlist for you. You’re welcome.
Peace and love from the Mothership, and the great nation of Shockadelica. We’ll dive into this further next week.