LIVE: Peaches at The Howard Theatre (NSFW)

Photos: Victoria Ford/Sneakshot

That just looks and sounds strange…Peaches at The Howard Theatre. But it’s true. She was there, in all her slutty smutty glory. Yeah, I’m calling Peaches a slut, but without an ounce of disrespect, because Peaches knows exactly who she is and I’m sure she’d agree with me. A Peaches show will engage all five of your senses…IF you’re in the front row. You’re gonna get wet, you’re gonna get SOMETHING in your mouth, you’re gonna get to feel her and her dancers up, you’re gonna get to watch live-action softcore porn, and you’re gonna hear some hardcore electro-punk beats.

Softcore porn and electro-punk beats at the historic, newly renovated and much-celebrated Howard Theatre? Indeed! I thought that Peaches was just doing some random DJ set to hold her adoring fans over until her next album came out. Boy was I wrong! Not only did she DJ the entire show, she used her DJ table as her own personal stage, while her two dancers wriggled and writhed about in their own little world.

Yeah, about those dancers. Interesting characters, indeed. Both donned flesh-colored leotards. Both had dark ponytails going down their back. Both had long legs. One of them had a goatee and some extra junk in the hood. They simulated sex to the point where if you were fucked up (like most of us were) and squinted your eyes, you’d swear it was the real thing. At one point, the dancers brought out Super Soakers filled with what appeared to be jizz. They squirted it all over each other. They squirted it in the mouth of one very lucky person in the front row. They cleaned it all up with what appeared to be the worlds largest cum towel. At one point, the female dancer got tired of rubbing on her balloon tits, took off her bikini top, and revealed her real ones.

But let’s not forget that this show was about the teaches of Peaches. I was really excited at the prospect of just seeing Peaches in person. She is such an amazing conveyor of information. For instance, the first thing you see on her when she finally comes on stage is this outrageous shoulder shroud made up of several breasts ranging from size DD on down to AA. Each nipple is fashioned out of doll heads. What more needs to be said? She seamlessly mixed a handful of her hits with some dubstep and other EDM nuggets, putting us all in a hazy trance.

You know that Peaches is not content unless she is causing a bit of mischief. So, in the middle of her set, she brings out several bottles of champagne. And not just any old champagne, but hood-ass J. Roget (aka J. Ro)!!! I was shocked and impressed. She gets to shakin’ and poppin’ the bottles and sprayin’ that shit all over the audience. I decided that I wanted a taste, so I go directly up to center stage and open my mouth wiiiiiiide. Talk about a golden shower! Ooh baby! As previously stated, when you go to a Peaches show, you’re gonna get wet. And that I did…in more ways than one.