OPINION: 10 of the Most Memorable Forgettable Collaborative Fails

One of the most important things if not THE most important thing to do when establishing a music career is to develop an identity that is not only strong, but distinct and independent as well.  To the dismay and pleasure of many, technology has progressed at such a fast rate that anyone can blow so fast that he/she easily becomes over exposed and under developed.  Due to the many advances in the tech world, we can do whatever we want with our music as well which brings us to the topic of the collaboration and its frequency in present day music.  Groundbreaking technology has been put in the hands of everyone and as a result, has leveled the playing field considerably for all.  With all of these accomplishments have come myriad collaborations that we are all thankful for because an artist can still record a song with another and release while half way across the world.  On the contrary, there are also artists of  both the past and present who have forged alliances at the expense of making quality music.  There are definitely more failed collaborations in the post twitter/facebook/skype era, but there were also more than we like to think prior to all of this innovative technology.  So get comfortable while we discuss 10 of the most forgettable collaborative fails.`df

10. Paris Hilton w/ Scott Storch, Fat Joe, Jadakiss & co.

You know the girl who’s DJing internationally now?  The one who had a reality show before they became as common as a yellow cab on 42nd St?  Well she dropped an album in 2006 alongside Warner Bros. records. Although Scott Storch was not the only producer, he was responsible for the beat on 6 out of 11 tracks and assumed the role of Executive producer for the project.  To the million dollar mogul’s credit, she did attempt to carry the album at least on the surface seeing as she only had one track with features that included the Latino Diddy himself, Joey Crack, and Yonkers’ own, Jadakiss.  The project received lukewarm reviews, and has generally been agreed to have been a flop.  I guess everyone really does have his/her price.



9. Wyclef Jean, Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson, & Melky Sedeck

Yea…that’s right…the Heavy Weight Champion of the World joined forces with Grammy Award Winning Artist and Haitian Presidential aspirant, Wyclef Jean. Besides having a relatively catchy and conveniently vague beat there honestly is not much to this track.  You take arguably the most well known wrestler in the history of sports entertainment and slap his trademark line on a chorus….and WALLAH…magic…but for fake.  The one thing that this does prove is that if you get great enough in one vocation, it can open a new lane.  Unfortunately, I think this is something of which you were already knowledgeable.


 8. Limp Bizkit & DMX & Method Man & Redman & Swizz Beatz

“Rollin’ (Urban Assault Vehicle)” was the name of the product that came to fruition after these two 90s super group left the studio.  Coming off of astounding commercial success, X, the red Yankee fitted, Johnny Blaze, and Brick City’s finest released and unsurprising remix that was even used in the sound track of The Fast and the Furious.  The chorus was catchy, but honestly left much to be desired. The original version, “Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle)” was even the theme music for WWF legend, The Undertaker.  The most profound thing I realized after hearing this song is that even though this song did not cut it back then, it is definitely higher quality than the ringtone music dropped daily within the last 4 years..Besides that I don’t honestly know if there much else to be said although I’m still trying to understand the whole mobile warfare theme…wait was that Premo in the video???



7. Angie Martinez & Q-Tip & The Neptunes

“Girl you gotta move them thangs…move them thangs.  I wanna see you move them thangs… {blank} then thangs…In the hood dawg, you know they move them thangs…{blank} cuz ain’t a damn thing changed”-Q Tip- Another song most Tribe fans probably easily forget and/or omit from the conversation.  This song clearly does not tarnish Tip’s hard earned and well respected legacy, but it’s still on the internet…forever.  Us Golden Era fans often like to tell a tale of when music was not superficial and choruses were always coherent.  I’d have to interject right here and insert both this video and chorus penned by Q-Tip.  I bring this up not to say that Tip is on the same level as many of the contemporary artists who now fill the airwaves, but things do happen.  Also, the difference between Angie Martinez and the dime a dozen bubblegum ringtone rappers is that she stopped even though she was cosigned by a credible rapper in every main region of these United States.


 6. Nelly & Tim McGraw

To be honest, this is what a fan base is all about.  Even when you make extremely questionable collaborative efforts with a mediocre outcome your fans can bail you out, and with 17 million + views on youtube that is clearly what transpired here.  While love is a language understood by all, it is quite disappointing to think that the only commonality between two men in the music industry is the departure of their girl for another man.  Oh wait…according to the video they both also sleep in beds, have alarm clocks, drive motor vehicles, sign autographs, and have private planes.  Lastly, I hope that we do not forget to acknowledge the worldwide premier of Tim McGraw bearing a scully atop his crown.


5. Weezer & Lil Wayne

I really do not enjoy disliking music.  It takes a lot for me to not entirely like a song, because I’ll find either a melody, cadence, or verse that I will end up liking.  As you might have expected, this song is the exception because it does not really have any redeeming qualities unless you plan on having your toddlers sing along to this Dr. Seuss-esque chorus.  Over the many years of his career, Dwayne Carter has displayed and assortment of Waynes: (1) The Wayne of the early days who was really trying to rap (2) The really lyrical rapping post Carter Wayne (3) The drug infested and unintelligible auto tune Wayne (4) and lastly…remedial Rock and Roll Wayne.  I cannot say that I agree when people say you can tell whether or not a song is worthwhile within its first 30 seconds, but it most assuredly rings true in this particular case.  This might be the antithesis of Run DMC and Aerosmith’s crossover track “Walk This Way”.


 4. Britney Spears & Madonna

The match that was Britney vs. Madonna vs. The Music won over crowds in numerous countries as a chart topping single for Spears’ fourth album, In The Zone.  For better or worse we all know that “The Zone” was not the only thing she was in around the release of the album and it was quite evident at the 2003 MTV music awards.  Hind sight is always 20/20 and it is quite plain to see that what some call the kiss of the decade was much bigger news than a dance song so generic that a remix from Yeezy himself could not save it.  Yes the album went diamond, but I would also love someone to tell me the last time he/she heard the song in an elevator, plane, taxi cab, or anywhere for that matter.  Writer Sal Cinquemani might’ve said it best when he stated that the song is “arguably one of Britney’s finest moments and one of her mentor’s worst”


3. Gwen Stefani & Eve

Okay, so this might not be one of the worst collaborative efforts overall, but it sure is the most boring.  Not only are Rich Girls talking about “If” they were rich, but they also failed to add anything to a certified timeless hit from Louchie Lou and Michie One.  Nonetheless this cover has managed to replace the original in the minds of many to the point that the original does even appear in a google when you type in “Rich Girl”.  This is probably a toss up to those residing in the land of pop and make believe, but here at The Couch Sessions we definitely prefer the charisma and authenticity.  Also, the random Hip-Hop Pirates of the Caribbean music video did not really add to the credibility of the song in any way, shape, or form.


2. Monica and Brandy – It All Belongs to Me

“The Boy Is Mine” was a classic that cannot be denied, but recently the two teamed up once again for “It All Belongs to Me”.  Gone are the catchy melodic tones, hooks, and everything else that made the last duet memorable. Now rather than talking about the very relatible confusion that ensues when two people (male or female) are combating over a special someone, the two have opted to telling that loser boyfriend to log off of Facebook because she owns the macbook he is using to surf the internet…This track screams 2012 in the worst way with its random technological references, and I really do wonder who gave them the green light to belt out, “That shit belongs to me”.  I must say the contrast is interesting since they are definitely looking elegant in the video and singing graceless lyrics.  As far as the video goes, it ventures way over the top when they decide blow the ex’s Porsche sky high and seconds later dedicate the song to Whitney Houston.  Might these be untimely not so subtle jabs at widower, Bobby Brown?? Who knows


1. R. Kelly & Jay-Z

I may stand alone when I say that this collaborative effort might’ve occurred a tad bit prematurely.  Nonetheless, much was expected from the dynastic emcee and Pied Piper of R&B when they announced once again that they would be reuniting to take care of “Unfinished Business”.  While the album was more commercially successful than its predecessor, music critics and fans alike were pretty much underwhelmed…so much so that a large majority of people often over look the series in its entirety.  Rather than shunned, the projects are largely ignored probably due to disappointment of what could have been the Watch The Throne of its time.  With all of the drama that followed while on tour between the two icons, this shot at success was an L any way you try to look at it.


In conclusion, it is quite obvious every single day that we have a lot to be thankful for when it comes to the music that millions of artists have provided the public with over centuries.  With that in mind, we also need not forget that every artist (even the greats) has the ability to hiccup, and sometimes this happens on more than one occasion.  The more important and telltale sign of truly great artists is how they proceed to navigate their respective careers after making questionable calls in an attempt to achieve whatever they view as success.