Romance Advice: Would you dump someone cause they don’t like Dilla??

by Winston "Stone" Ford

heartI usually don’t give romance advice, mainly because my friends would never retrun the favor, but I’m finding one of my friend’s situations a lil’ bit interesting:

I have a friend who’s having a relationship issue. According to him, he’s been going out with this girl for about 4 months or so, but the relationship is falling apart over music of all things. See, this dude thinks that Dilla is the next coming of Tupac, while his girlfriend thinks that Rhianna is the next coming of Beyonce. You see where I’m goin’ with this?

There is obviously an age and cultural difference here–she screams and cries when she has to go to his backpacker “hip-hop lives” events, and he pits a fit when she manages to drag him out to something that the kids call the “scream” tour (Is that with Ne-yo and Omarion? I’m too old to know and too lazy to Google it.) Not only that, but she thinks that A Tribe Called Quest is “corny,” that Dilla is “wack” and that Big Daddy Kane is “old folks music.” Add to that the fact that he caught her singing along to Lil’ Mama’s “Lip Gloss” a little too enthusiastically the other day.

It’s not easy being a backpacker these days. Just ask Lupe Fiasco. But seriously if you’re a Black dude who dosen’t listen to what’s ont the radio, you’re already a minority of a minority. As someone who has music tastes that range from Mystikal to MF Doom to KT Tunstall, I feel for the brother. Since I’m not the most attractive guy on the lot, I really don’t get to pick and choose which girls I get to go out with. So basically, 90% of the girls I end up going out with don’t particularly share my choice of Roy Ayers over Jim Jones, and let’s not get started on the last time I tried to explain Podcasting to girls I go out with.

However for this kid, my advice is to first check her iPod first. Women–especially women of color–are always frontin’ with their music choices. I once knew a girl who would swear up and down that she couldn’t stand “underground” music, but this girls iPod has the most extensive collection of Nina Simone albums that I’ve ever seen. So sometimes you can’t judge a book by its cover. There has got to be at least something y’all have in common, and if there is, you have to make plans around that.

And the most effective relationships are about compromise anyway (word to Dr. Phil!) so at the least you must understand where each other is coming from and get that off the bat first. Just because she dosen’t dig Mos Def shouldn’t be a deal breaker if you worked out your boundaries. And you gotta get this under control now, because little disagreements like this will most certainly blow up into full fledged Iraq war style arguments in the future.

And if all else fails, dump her and get yourself an Afropunk chick.

What do y’all think? Have you ever dumped somebody cause you didn’t like their choice in music? SOUND OFF!

  • dcfist

    looked her up and down said hmm, too much make up/
    poor music taste/
    10 years from being grown up/
    rappers don’t blow up, heads do.

  • wendy x

    seems to me like this is more of a MATURITY issue than a MUSIC issue. he needs to be dating a WOMAN not a girl

  • Lady Glock

    I feel like this is sort of along the same arguement lines as the guy who says “I just want a girl who I can chill with, who is low maintenance” then proceeds to date a girl who is the complete opposite.

    As a woman who has a bizarre taste in music, I know sometimes its really intimidating for guys to look at my iTunes selection. It’s also why, when I meet a guy who I could possibly be interested in, I immediately ask what the last ten tracks he listened to were. Or the last few albums he bought. That way, I have some idea of his musical taste. (Whoever said that a person’s taste in music doesn’t say anything about them was a straight up liar.)

    However, in this case, if music is the only thing your boy and his girl don’t have in common, maybe they should compromise. For every backpacker event he takes her to, she gets to drag him to a Beyonce/Usher dance off. O make an effort to find something musically they both like. Perhaps they both have a secret passion for Mozart. Or maybe Groove Armada. Whatever.

    It sounds like there’s other things going on, though. Maybe she’s considerably younger than him. Maybe he’s really not as into her as he thought. Maybe the sex sucks.

    To make a long point even longer, I’d say it’d be silly to break up over music without trying to figure out what else could be going on first.

  • Rob Fields

    I think this is a good sign that we’re making progress as a people. I mean, hats off to Stone, but I think we’ve just gone from around-the-way girl to Afropunk chick! Somebody needs to get a beat under that. It could be the underground jam of the summer. :o)

  • chi

    I’m no queen of hip hop music, I’m learning more about it everyday (I honestly didn’t know who Dilla was until his death…) but I’d have to say that perhaps your friend should drop that girl. Her personality sounds as juvenile as her musical taste. But that’s just me. You said, and I can attest to this, that the key to relationships is compromise. An frankly, if you can’t agree on music then that relationship is already dead, like a stillborn baby. From my own experience and through observing others, music seems to be that common group that couples have. For those who have conflicting musical interests, I’ve noticed they don’t last two long. Coincidence? Mayhaps.

  • mrkamoji

    They should each go to separate concerts. This to me sounds like free time away from your girl which most times is the most fun dudes have usually. I’m just saying…I also echo what others are saying it sounds like she is about 4 years younger than homeboy; not that there is anything wrong with that.

  • Ms.Marsha

    Dating people with a different slant on music to you can be kinda cool – when you break up and you’re listening to YOUR music, you don’t feel swamped with memories/sadness/anger/anything attached to the songs other than whatever you always felt about the music! None of that “this was our song” garbage.

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